


Two and a Half Opera Singers

by MagicAndConstellations



Category: Love Never Dies - Lloyd Webber, Phantom of the Opera
Genre: Angst, Crack, Humor, Mentioned Character Death, No Raoul and Erik don’t date, Sad, Yes the title is a play on Two and a Half Men, dont be weird, honestly it depends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 13:51:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14619963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicAndConstellations/pseuds/MagicAndConstellations
Summary: So, I went and saw Love Never Dies and honestly it was perfect. HUGE SPOILERS: Christine is dead, Raoul is Gustave’s legal father, Erik is Gustave’s biological father. Who gets custody? I say both, because I think it’d be a great sitcom. Here is that sitcom as a series of oneshots.





	1. Obligatory Angsty Beginning Set in the Future

Erik had been laying in that bed for nearly a week. Raoul feared that the man didn’t have much time left. But it would be alright, it had to be alright. 

The toy stared up at him with its pinpoint eyes. Perhaps this would bring his old nemesis some comfort in what Raoul dreaded was his final days.

He just hoped Erik would remember it...

Raoul walked into the small, lavishly decorated room. Erik stared at him, his once-sharp dark eyes were clouded with confusion and fatigue. His mask rested awkwardly on his face, looking out of place on the man’s aged, sagging skin.

Raoul’s chair stopped at his bedside.

”Thank you, Meg,” Raoul said, patting the aging woman’s fingers on his shoulder.

Meg nodded and, taking one last look at the Phantom of the Opera with tearful eyes, she left the room.

”Hello my old fiend,” Raoul said, taking Erik’s hand.

Erik’s head turned to look at him ever-so-slowly. “Why hello,” his hoarse voice croaked. “Can you tell me who you are, sir?”

Raoul swallowed back the swell of pain in his chest. “I am Raoul, Erik.”

Erik gave him one confused nod, the candlelight reflecting off the mask.

”Why does Meg keep that on you, man, hasn’t the normal side of your face grown as ugly as the deformed one?” Raoul teased, gently taking the mask off.

Erik only blinked at him, as if he had no idea that he was wearing the mask, or why he wore it in the first place.

”And who is this little fellow?” Erik caught sight of the toy Raoul brought.

”A little friend for you, Erik. The opera house sends its love.” Raoul watched Erik, hoping the mention of the opera house would spur his memory, but his eyes stayed blank.

In his disappointment, Raoul turned his back.

”When is my son coming?”

Raoul turned to face Erik. “What?”

”My son. My Gustave. Where is he?” Raoul could have cried with relief.

”He is not here, Erik. He cannot come to Paris yet. He is still recovering from his wound.”

”His wound?” Erik looked concerned. “From what?”

”The war, Erik.” Raoul suddenly felt the terror at that boy leaving their side for the war, and the relief at the letter that had said that Gustave was injured. He would not be fighting anymore. He would be coming home. “The Great War.”

Erik blinked and looked back at the toy. “No War is great.”

”I quite agree.”

Raoul turned away, but still listened. He listened to Erik’s soft motions. His ramblings. His memories.

” _Masquerade!_

_Masquerade!_

Christine...”


	2. Devil Take the Hindmost 2.0

Christine had been dead for almost a month. Raoul didn’t want to stay in New York any longer. And he would not lose his wife  _and_ his son, no matter what that fiend said.

”Don’t you  _dare_ think that you can leave here with  _my_ son without  _me!_ ” Erik snarled.

Honestly, didn’t that man know what a normal voice was?

”And what will the public say, Phantom?  _Oh, Raoul de Chagney is so incompetent! He left his son with some circus freak!”_

”You forgot the part where he isn’t your son.”

”You forgot the part where I was married to his mother when he was born so I am legally the father.”

”Oh, because I am  _so_ concerned with legality.”

”And I’m  _so_ concerned with your face.”

”What?” Raoul blinked.

”I mean, your opinion.”

Erik gave him a half puzzled, half frustrated glare.

”Actually, I am quite concerned with your face.”

Erik wrinkled his nose in confusion.

”Because it’s so hideous.”

Raoul smiled at himself in triumph.

”Have you been drinking?” The Phantom said, appalled.

”Surprisingly, no.”

”Of course ‘surprisingly’ you’re a drunk. I am not leaving my boy with a lowly drunk.”

”Don’t forget an avid gambler.”

”I could fix that, but I can’t fix your drinking problem.”

”And what if the boy if he stays with you? Will he spend the rest of his life in some world of darkness like you?”

”He is my son. He prefers my world.”

”You mean your basement?”

”What matters is he’s my son, and he will share my home.”

”He is Christine’s son too.”

There was silence at that, and then-

“You dare not speak of her like this.”

”She was my wife, you fiend. He is her son, and he is all I have left of her.”

”And he is all I have  _at all.”_

”I raised that boy and I will not have you take him away from me.”

”Father?”

Both men turned to see Gustave standing in the doorway, the beginnings of tears starting in his eyes. “I can only go with one of you?”

Raoul glanced at the man next to him. He looked just as shocked.

”Why would you want to live with both of us?”

” Because I love both of you!” Gustave gave them the slightest of smiles. “And Mother did too. I think she wants me to stay with both of you.”

Raoul felt deeply moved by the boy’s words. “Fine then,” he said. “You will stay with both of us.”

Raoul took a look at the masked man next to him, who sighed.

”Fine, yes. The Vicomte can stay.”

Raoul smiled and offered the man his hand. “Please, call me Raoul.”

The Phantom wrinkled his nose in a growl.

”Call me Erik,” he said, finally, accepting Raoul’s hand.


End file.
